"In the Middle of Me"

I have thought about this a few times recently... I don't think I have ever explained my blog title. So here I am at 1 am about to blog about it. You know, because there is nothing else for me to be doing. Oh, what's that, sleep? Naaa, rest is for wimps.

(insert picture of the husband dragging me out of bed in the morning before he leaves for work)

Ahem. Shall we continue?

In the world we live in, we are sold a lie about who we really are...

You are the car you drive • You are the food you eat • You are the places you go • Who you are is defined by the clothes you wear • How big your bank account is • How successful your spouse is • How many kids you have • And so on and so on.

I have found myself getting sucked into and buying into this lie more often than I would I like to admit. But I have. I wonder what people will think all too often. Or thought I was defined by this or that.

Our pastor, Dr. Moody, once made a statement that still to this day rings in the ears of my heart.

"We must come to the point in our lives where we realize that HE is the best part of who we are."

The "HE" he mentioned is Jesus Christ. Isn't that the truth? I am only who I am because of Christ. I have what I have because of Him. And even on my good days, my righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). Ewww. I mean, seriously! Do you know what that's talking about?!

He is the best part of me.

Even when I don't want to believe that, I can get honest with myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and think about what hides in the depths of my heart. It's then that I am faced with a brutal reality, I am in need. I am not enough. I can't do it on my own, whatever it may be.

He must forgive me. He must cover me. He must redeem me.

Have you seen in those things anything I do? I am who I am because HE forgave me. HE covers me. HE redeemed me.

Who I really am is who I am in Christ.

He is the best part of me.

And yet, I still get so caught up in the things of this world. The labels. The expectations.

My desire in starting a blog, was to open up a window into my world. To our family and friends (and whoever else happened to stumble across it) so they might peek in and see where we laugh, live, love, struggle and grow. If you know me, then you know I am far from having anything "together" so to speak. I often joke about my struggle with "keeping crazy in the box" {a blog for another day}. I am just trying to keep it real. And this is me being real.

I want so badly for Him to be the center. The center of me, my marriage, my home, and my world. The thing that people go back to when they think of us. That they would think of Him.

Does that happen all the time? No. But I continue to strive. To seek. To listen. To follow. As He moves, draws, speaks, and leads.

I got the words "In the Middle of Me" from a song from one of my favorite artists, Shane Bernard.

Holiday
You are my holiday.

You are right in the middle of me.

You are my hideaway.

You are home.

Calling out your name.

Oh, my holiday.

You make my heart new.

I love you.

What it is I'm trying to say

You are my favorite part of me.

This song coupled with the thought that He truly is the best part of me is why I have named my blog what I have. Even in my blogging, I want to share the best part of me along with the rest (and just so you know "the rest" can get ugly). I want to be open. Honest. Because I always want Him to be right In the Middle of me and known as my favorite part of who I am.

mischief and mayhem

mischief |ˈmis ch if|
noun
playful misbehavior or troublemaking, esp. in children

caught.

red (or in this case, white)

handed.

my "helper".

mayhem |ˈmāˌhem|
noun
violent or damaging disorder; chaos

the one cabinet without child locks.

toilet paper.

meet 9 mo old.

oh yes, he did.

this was the day i had changed the roll.

of course.

Say what?

Some things I have heard coming out of my mouth lately...

"No, Mommy doesn't have another baby in her tummy right now. I'm glad you want more brothers but not yet. No, you and Peyton do not have babies in your tummy. No you don't. Because boys can't have babies, only mommies can. Nope, not daddy either."

"Do not lick your brother!"

"Peyton, Mommy doesn't have a peepee. No sir, you may not see. Yes, you have a peepee. And Daddy. And Tristan. And Kohen. No, I do not have a peepee. No, you may not see. Go in there and let me finish going potty by myself! No, I do not. Now, go."

"What are you chewing on???"

"I know you went potty yesterday but you need to go again... today."

"Peyton, pl... Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. Buzz, please get another bite."

"No baby, we don't need a puppy. Because we have a Kohen. Yes, he's kind of like a puppy."

"Where did you get that?! Eeeeewwww! No, that is not playdough that is a booger. And we do not play with boogers!"

"Can you say, Momma? Yes, Dada Dada. I know you can say that!"

Yes, you're reading that right! Peyton's Potty Train!

Brandon and Tristan are out this weekend, they went to the deer lease for some big boy getaway time. And I thought since the big boys would be out for a few days this would be the perfect chance for me to crack down on Peyton and his aversion to potty training. We could focus without the pressures of the big brother who already knew what he was doing. Peer pressure has not worked in this case. So, I came up with a plan...

This morning we went to the store and Pey picked out his very own "unnerwears"! He had 7 different characters to choose from. It took f o r e v e r for him to make up his mind. The child is so much like his mother, it pains me (and yes, I'm talking about myself). He ended up choosing Superheros, of course. Also, some stickers and jelly beans. All part of the plan, which was similar to what we did with Tristan when he was potty training only tweaked a bit for Peyton.

The whole time we were at the store we talked about how he was going to wear his new underwear but ONLY if he was going to go tee-tee and poo-poo in the potty. We talked it up, let me tell you. When we got home and he immediately wanted to wear Batman. I told him he couldn't just wear them, he had to go tee-tee and poo-poo in the potty. He said "Ok! I gonna go poo-poo in the potty and then I gonna wear my unnerwears!" I was thinking "Mmm Hmm... this will be fun..."

I am pleased to announce he jumped right up on the potty like he was an old pro! I was in a bit of shock, I hadn't even gotten his poster ready for stickers. Remember the plan? Yeah, he was ready to go and I was just sitting there with a goofy grin on my face! He asked me "Where are my stickers??" Again... I wasn't prepared! HA! I explained he did such great job while we got him some candy, I assured him that he would have stickers when he got up from naptime.

During naptime I made the poster, "Peyton's Potty Train". I got this great idea to do a train from my sweet friend Kendall (who eagerly awaits embarking on adventures in potty training one day with her little guy :). When the train is full of stickers (or covered with stickers) then we'll do something special! I haven't decided yet what it will be but Pey is so excited about his "Super surprise!", as he calls it.

When he got up from his nap we started at it again... This time with the full effect. Underwear, poster, stickers AND candy!

He loves his underwear! He loved the poster! He loved the stickers! He loves getting candy for going poop! HE DID GREAT!

Day 1:
13 trips to the potty
11 stickers on the poster board
2 #2's
4 jelly beans
only 3 accidents

= success!

Peace and Cheap Shampoo

I mentioned in a previous blog that my thoughts have been difficult to get in order over the summer. It's so true. We have had lots of issues arise in the recent months. Not necessarily good or bad really, but un-blog-able issues either way. So what has my reaction been with these issues? I think about them. A lot. I journal about them some. But mainly, I just think about them.

Now, as a mother of 3 under 3 I don't have a lot of uninterrupted time slots in the day to just think. Unless something crazy happens and all 3 of the boys nap at the same time. If that ever happens I'm usually too distracted by the angels singing the hallelujah chorus to actually think... Okay, maybe that's a little over the top. But the truth of the matter is when I'm alone, I think. When I'm not alone, I think. When I'm busy, I think. When I'm not supposed to be thinking, I think. It's like a hobby. Kind of.

So, we have established that even though there are crazy children hanging on my legs and sitting in my lap all day long, I can still manage to do some thinking here and there. But my go to place to think, where I'm usually not interrupted is the shower. That's my get away. It's quiet, most of the time. I have 3-20 minutes (depending on if the boys are being watched or napping or being entertained) all to myself.

Because of these "issues" going on I have had a lot to think about when I get into said "thinking place." I have over the years used my time in the shower to pray (a trick I learned from my now husband years ago who learned it from someone else). I have, since having multiple children, strayed away from spending my time in prayer because it takes work to do so. I gave myself an "out" so to speak. I deserve a shower in peace. Was one of the things I would tell myself when I realized I hadn't spent my time in prayer as I've committed to do at different times in my life. When conviction would start to seep in I would say something else like, I do stuff all day. I need some time to myself. Time to think and not be bothered. {a blog for another day}

With that logic, I would think and think and think while showering. Mulling over ALL of the un-blog-ables. There are a few problems with this...

1. I would add to the issues. I'm not sure if this is just a woman thing or what but I'd start thinking... If they say, _______ then I'll say, _______. Or if _______ happens, then I'll have to _______. And what about _______, I just don't know what to do about that! And so on, and so on... I would find myself having arguments in my head and fixing situations that had NEVER EVEN HAPPENED!

2. I would literally forget how many times I had washed my hair. Seriously. I like to wash my hair twice but because of all of this "thinking" I could not for the life of me keep up with how many times I had washed it! Once? Twice? Three times?? Who knows! Did I even wash my hair?... I guess I better just wash it again... I can honestly say this happened more than a handful of times.

Now let me share where I was when all of this came to a screeching halt...

We've been doing a study on Wednesday nights through the book of Philippians. The study as been awesome, very challenging and encouraging in my striving for more of Jesus. Last week we came to a verse my Mom had me memorize as a child. A verse I claim to know. A verse I had obviously taken for granted.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

true. honorable. right. pure. lovely. praise worthy.

ouch.

I sat fairly quietly during the study, letting the Holy Spirit speak into my soul.

I had been dwelling on things that hadn't even happened... How could they be true? How could I move on to honorable if I can't even get the first one right? I had been worrying and carrying so many thoughts around in my head that were not glorifying God. Now that was true.

If you read further, Paul tells the reader in verse 9 to "practice these things".

"We must constantly, in our minds, exercise remaining in truth."

-Matt Chandler

I have got to practice. When my mind (that is so easily distracted by the things of this world) starts going to those places, I must take those thoughts captive, hold them up to the measuring stick and start honestly asking and answering. Is it true? No. It has got to go.

And here's why...

practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
verse 9

One thing I have not experienced in all of my "thinking" of late, is peace. I have experienced anxiety, worry, fatigue, frustration, anger and discontentment. None of which are remotely peaceful.

I so desire my God to be pleased with my thoughts. I want them to uplift Him. And I want His peace to be with me. I want to be filled with Him and His peace all the time. In my home, in the car, at the grocery store, at the place where our church meets, and yes, even in the shower.

Can I just say- it's been nearly a week since I was convicted about my thoughts, I asked for forgiveness and for His help as I put into practice the things I know to be true and right. I do not have it down. I have not won every battle in my mind. But I have taken thoughts captive and thrown them away for not being true. I have experienced peace that's unmistakably His. And since last week, I haven't wasted any more shampoo.

So I ask you, whoever you are, where are your thoughts?

P

P is our early bird. When he wakes up, he's awake. Whether that's 8 am or 6 am.

B and I like to be up in the mornings before the crazies wake up. Spend some time in the Word, drinking coffee and have some conversation before the business of the day starts. This doesn't happen everyday of course, but it's a good goal.

This morning we were joined (like most mornings) by our middle child first. He actually crawled into bed with us before our alarms even went off.

So, our morning routine was sprinkled with P and his adorable antics. As I watched him this morning I had to smile. He is growing up so fast. Too fast.

I don't want to forget the way he is this morning.

His fuzzy curly blonde hair.

His love for chocolate milk.

Him suggesting we get the milk out of the fridge "togebher" because it was "berry heaby". A fresh gallon.

His request to eat pudding for breakfast. A frequent request that always gets rejected. He never gives up though. He had yogart instead.

Him up on his tiptoes to reach the spoon out of the utensil drawer.

He used not 1, not 2 but 3 spoons to eat his yogart. I didn't notice until the third. He said the others were old.

His warmth as he climbed up next to me in my chair.

Him finding all the "P's" on the page while I read in Philipians. There were plenty. And if you ask him, he says, "P is for me!"

Playing with the blocks in a bowl and "eating" them with a large spoon from the kitchen. Block soup is one of our favorites.

His rough love to his Daddy as he left for work. Hugs around his knees while growling out, "I love you daddy!"

His sweet greeting to Tristan as he woke up (after 9!) "Dood morning, Tisten."

Sigh

These are such sweet and precious things I wish to remember always.

Summer looked like this...

I am so behind this summer on blogging. I have at least 7 drafts saved from recent months. I've not been able to get my thoughts in order, which is a blog in and of it's self. Since I'm so behind and have yet to get my thoughts completely in order (will this ever happen?) I have decided this would be the easiest way to play "catch up", a picture post! I have narrowed these pics waaay down from the hundreds I took throughout our summer. But these are some of my faves and will do a pretty good job of telling our summer story. (although I do have to say, a major part of our summer story is Youth Camp, World Changer trips and trips to Mexico, none of which I have pictures of... )

Fishing with Deeda.

Brandon graduated this May! It was an awesome day of celebration that we shared with friends and family! I am so proud of him for sticking it out through jobs, ministry, marriage, 3 children and lots of miles between!

These next few pictures crack me up... This is a perfect example of what it's like taking pictures with little boys.

(The good one where everyone is looking. You have to be quick to get this one.)

(Mostly still looking but Peyton gets distracted...)

(Everyone is distracted, Peyton moves on...)

(Photo op quickly turns into wrestling match.)

(and mom's still taking pictures.)

(Priceless.)

I love moments like these.

Family breakfast.

Sweet boy cousins

This picture doesn't tell much of a story, it's just so stinking cute!

Kohen over the summer months has learned to sit up, crawl, stand up and cruise while holding onto things! Look out world... here he comes!

Ok, this picture requires an explanation.

I walked in the kitchen to see T, holding the refrigerator open. He was talking quietly and moving his head engaged in conversation. When he saw me coming he quickly closed the door and gave me the I'm-not-so-innocent look. My mind is reeling. What in the world was he doing?! So I asked him. He said, "Oh, nothing." I'm thinking (Mmm hmm... I saw the look. Clearly "nothing" was not what he was doing.) So I decided to change my question based on hearing him when I walked in. "Who were you talking to?" The light bulb came on, "OH! I was talking to Larry." (again, my mind is reeling... Who?!?) Then he opens the fridge and I see a cucumber standing up between the gallon of milk and juice bottle. "See Mom, it's Larry!"
Who knew... Larry the cucumber lives in our refrigerator!

Pirates.

Bubble Day at our local Library. T loved being in the giant bubble! P, liked watching T in the giant bubble but didn't think it was for him.

What's summer without a slip-n-slide?!

KK reading to the boys. We loooove KK and have been so blessed to have her with us most of the summer!

T.R.O.U.B.L.E. The first (and only to date) bath with all 3 boys. I think I was jumping the gun on this one.

But clearly they survived (and so did Mommy). Here they are in their Toy Story bath towels.
(Thanks KK and JooJoo!)

The daddy playground.

Getting to see Pawpaw & Nana

Eating lunch outside in the warm summer air with family.

Laughing with Uncle Dabid & Aunt Guessica
(Aka Uncle David & Aunt Jessica)

On the Lake with Poppy! Watching KK and Mommy "skeeeeb" (water ski)

She just popped out of the water like it was nothing!

This is where I spend most of my time, however. I did not "pop out of the water". I didn't even get dragged out of the water! But I had fun trying!

Evening boat ride with the family.

We all had a blast.

It was so beautiful.

Learning how to bait a hook.

Being all boy.

Jordan & Kayla (JooJoo & KK)

Swimming!

T is fearless.

"Throw me Daddy!!"

Quelf.




At the zoo with family.

Ko, loved the zoo! Not as much as he loves his Daddy though.

"Wook at that Peyton!"
One of my favorite parts of going to the zoo was watching how much the boys wanted to experience it together! They were constantly showing each other the next animal and making sure the other one saw what they were seeing. It was precious.

This was my favorite picture of the day. Aunt Kayla & Peyton.

We had such a great time!

Even though we got rained out in the last hour of the zoo being open! Good times.